F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Well, I have this dialogue etched in my memory form long ago. Its from a ‘Bollywood’ Film called Aatish ,starring Sanjay Dutt and Aditya Pancholi  (yes, I do like to watch such movies)  ‘ Baba, Jindagi mein humein rishtedaar milte hain, magar hum Dost chunte hain!’(We get relatives by default but we choose our friends). I truly believe this .

Friends always have been a very very significant and an important factor in my life till date and I am sure it will stay that way because of the wonderful friends I have around me. These are the people that I have missed meeting up the most during this Lockdown due to Covid 19. I am sure that is why most of us love the series Friends, movies like Dil Chahta Hai, Zindagi Na milegi Dobara etc, because each one relates to their friend circle with those characters at some point of their own lives and their friend circle. Songs about friendships like yaaron by K.K, the evergreen Yeh Dosti from Sholay, The popular Pyaar humein kis mod pe from Satte pe Satta, the nostalgic Purani jeans, etc is close to each one’s heart in their own way but the common factor being ‘dosti’ or Friendship!!!

I have really missed meeting up all those friends who have been and still are an important part of my exciting life, during this Lockdown. So here is a small ‘ journey of my friendships’!!

THE INITIAL YEARS

Let me start from the beginning…… My childhood was spent in Goregaon East, Mumbai. Our building had a lot of kids around and hence I have my earliest friends from there. Unfortunately, I had no good friends in school since I was an introvert , shy and an obese child who was made fun of thus making me more distant in school from classmates. Thankfully I had a good gang to come back home to who seldom made fun of me. A couple of friends taught me how to ride a cycle, the elder friends always made sure that I could join in for a game of cricket without making me feel that I was a just a kid, no one gave me special concessions because I was a plump kid during games like ‘chor police’, ‘Sakhli’, langdi etc. The May vacations here are so memorable because those were the best days of my childhood since I didn’t have to go to school and play all day with some of my close pals , whom I am still in touch with.

Few years down the line, when I was in my most formative years of adolescence, we shifted to Pune. Here the story exactly reversed! There were no kids of similar age in the building where we used to stay. Hence I was looking forward to the new school friends. Thankfully fate didn’t disappoint me. I got introduced to the ‘back benchers’ of my class in the new school on the first day and somehow I got along with them really well. Probably these were the first friends who kind of made me realize that its fun having school friends. I soon started opening up, becoming more vocal and social. Of course the obesity was still a challenge but the intensity of mocking had dropped which boosted my confidence a bit. Another advantage for me in this ‘back bencher ‘ group was that I was the most studious in all of them, hence they were happy understanding few academic concepts from me, studying together. So it kick started a process of give and take between us. Roaming on Pune streets on cycles, playing cricket, football made me more of an outdoor person than what I was earlier and I started to enjoy  school life more.

THE FUN YEARS

Cut to Junior College. This was the one of the most enjoyable phase of my friend circle. College and tuition classes introduced me to a completely new set of  people  and I realized that I could actually start conversations with new people, make friends easily, get along well with most of people , etc. this was a phase where we would get some pocket money and spending it together with friends on local wada paav stalls, occasional chinese stalls, once a month movies and bunking quite a few lectures started to be routine which was enjoyed tremendously. This was the phase when boys think that they have turned into men !!! This is the time when you discuss girlfriends, career options, studies, porn with your friends. There are friends who already have girlfriends and there are some who want to have girlfriends. So you know most of the secrets of each other, the phone calls to each other’s homes had to be well planned and discussed (this was the time of landlines) , words like intro, friendship had a much larger meaning and purpose!!! A couple of ‘rich’ friends had two wheelers so there was always this pairing up of a non-vehicle friend with a vehicle owner. When the vehicles were less and the gang was more, some of us had to manage with cycles or public transport. But just being together, without parents knowing much, spending whatever little pocket money we had, looking at girls on hot spots like FC college road, getting together at someone’s house when their parents were out, occasionally getting together for ‘group studies’, bunking classes and going to play cricket was the way how I spent my Junior college days always keeping in mind that I had to secure a ‘free seat ‘in the graduation college . I had kind of made up mind to do Architecture ,anyways. Most of the gang from my Junior college days applied for various branches of Engineering and somehow we lost touch during the grad years. Thanks to Social Media I am now back in touch with most of them.

The best years of my life have been from 1996 to 2001. The friends, which I have made during my architecture days are some of the best friends that are still a major part of my friend circle till date. Fact of the matter is that my first girlfriend was from my Architecture class, who later became my best friend and (thankfully)then my wife .The advantage in this relationship is that most of the friends we have, are common friends, so meeting them up is never taxing on either of us!!! During this time we not only had friends from our batch but seniors and juniors also were an integral part of a strong friend circle, and after almost 20 years of knowing each other a lot of them are just a couple of phone calls away. Also our course is such that there are a lot of group submissions; hence we all spent a good amount of time together whether in college or someone’s home. So the bonds with each other’s parents also have developed strong. Also, somehow there are a lot of talented and art inclined people in Architecture so we had friends who were good at singing, playing some instruments, acting on stage, etc. Hence we have had a lot of entertainment as well as a group. We all were very keen on organizing get togethers, college gathering, exhibitions so all those activities brought us very close. We could sense ourselves developing our own political views, social views and the debates were always fun over a cup of tea and wada paav at our favorite hangout near our college. Study tours were so much fun since we got to explore far off places with some crazy bunch of friends together. Exam times were the most amazing and they have been the most memorable.(I have a blog on this separately which says how much these have been memorable!!! http://gadgila.com/theory-exams/ ) Vivas were always a hustle bustle of activity where you could see everyone helping each other with their projects. Orchestras, Plays, group dances , Internships…these were the times when all of us were enjoying as a team. There were a couple of our friends who used to drink and a couple of us were teetotalers (then. Not now!!!) So the dine outs were always fun. We have shared so many secrets with each other , some trivial some serious , that we still look back on those memories and cherish them when we meet up. All of us made sure that if someone was weak in a particular department the others used to help out in the best of their capabilities. Even post college , most of us are excelling in their professional life and we all still have the camaraderie, the respect for each other whenever we meet up. It never feels that we are meeting after a long time, we can just started from where we had left off the last time. The social media has definitely brought us all more in touch with each other but sometimes the virtual meet ups seem bring and someone  does call up and organize an actual meet up. The fun still is the same!!!

The college Tee shirt that I still have preserved with me still brings back so many wonderful memories I have had with these BKPSites.

THE MATURE YEARS

Of course, not all friendships are as strong as some special ones are. Also, there are instances where you start off well as friends but then some issues crop up, be it lifestyle issues, political views, outlook towards life, personal reasons, egos, etc  and there are bound to be difference of opinions, verbal fights, breaking off friendships etc. But some friendships overcome all such trivial issues and develop into stronger bonds. Sometimes you start as acquaintances and gradually over a period of time you realize that you have a lot in common and slowly the friendship starts blossoming. There are friends who become friends instantly and you never have issues in your friendships because both the parties are pretty easy going, or have common interests , know each other’s limitations and habits and do not tread much into each other’s territories.  I truly believe that friendships are definitely not based on Caste, Sex, Economic status, Social status, family backgrounds, etc. But I definitely believe they are based on comfort, lifestyle, way of thinking. Friendships are definitely a two way traffic. As they say ‘Taali ek haath se nahi bajti’. It needs efforts and inclination from both ends to maintain friendships.

It’s a hypocritical statement (according to me) that once you get into professional life, you hardly get time for old friends and you cannot make new friends. Well, I do not believe in this. Period. I have stayed in touch with my old buddies and I have made some amazing buddies post college and still am making new friends!!!

Some of the best and closest friends that I have are random people who met together at a tennis academy every morning, a few years back, and we just got together as tennis friends. Soon, dine outs, short trips, inter club tournaments brought us closer as friends. We introduced each others families and now 6 years later we all are so close to each other that this bunch of people , whom I call friends are more like family. We have our annual trips together , birthday celebrations together (as and when possible), weekly phone calls, planning future trips, innumerable dinner parties and a hell lot of fun. The ladies have had a only girls trip , the kids have their own fun when we all are together. What started of as a group of tennis playing guys has now developed into extremely  strong friendships amongst all families. We always keep looking forward to our trips, plans together . An incident that shall be forever etched on my mind is when we boys had planned a cycling trip to Manali Leh. We kept pushing each other through out the expedition. An unfortunate medical emergency in my family arised due to which I had to turn back halfway. The rest of them also turned back with me saying that they could not leave me alone in such a hard time.(A blog on this is trip is also available in my archives http://gadgila.com/the-mis-adventures-of-manali_leh-cycle-ride/ ). These are the bunch of people who do not need any formalities, egos don’t come in between, we sometimes can sense what the other person is thinking and each one of us knows that the rest of the gang is available in moments of joy as well as pain.

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Another set of friends that I have made in a very short time are a couple of neighbors in our existing residential complex.  These guys have become our support system and people with whom we look forward to unwind on weekends!! Diwali , Ganpati, Dussera and other important festivals have become more fun with these people around. Whenever someone of us has a party in the house with other guests, all the others will keep backup ice, drinks, food ready in their own houses!!! It has been quite tough for all of us  to stay at home and not meet up as neighbors in this lockdown time. A minor medical emergency had occurred in our home with a relative over at our home, we could easily call up all these guys for help even if it was late in the night. Leg pulling, jokes, conversations just are endless when we meet up.

Our fitness schedules, running and cycling sessions have also made some strong friends in the past few years.  These are truly the friends that have gradually developed from just acquaintances at our fitness academy to  great close friends . Me and my wife are blessed to know these awesome bunch of people since most of them are doctors and they are ever ready to help us in all possible ways. These are the friends who keep on encouraging each other to perform better, run that extra mile, push  the pedals for that extra kilometers, share healthy recipes and participate in a lot of fitness events together, all the while having loads of fun. We get together at a friend’s clinic for a cup of tea in the evenings atleast a couple of days every week to discuss all topics under the sun. When my  father was hospitalized, all these people were around trying to help us to their best of their capabilities. We have all come to a stage where we can be absolute frank with each other and no one minds the leg pulling or the difference of opinions.

The cycling group that me and a very close friend of mine has started has also introduced me to some amazing people from different walk of life. We are slowly developing into good friends from just cycling buddies and I hope I am able to forge some strong friendships with a lot of these people. There has not been a single dull moment in the various cycling rides together and  the enthusiasm and energy when we all are together just keeps getting stronger and stronger.

Although I have mentioned before that friends are more closer to me than relatives, some relatives have become more of my friends rather than just a distant relation. These are the people who come with the advantages of being family as well as close friends which is the best combination possible, I think. A couple of my brothers in law, a cousin nephew of mine, friends of friends have become really good friends over a period of time. There are also a few clients whom I have met during the course of our professional life, who started off as clients but are now great buddies.

This lockdown has truly made me realize even more the importance of friends in my life. The fun, frolic is significantly missing from the daily routine. Thankfully the social media has been a support to connect with all these people in this boring period which has kept us going.

It is often said that true friends are those who do not judge you, accept with all your faults, and overlook your shortcomings. Well I frankly think that friends who are frank enough to point out your faults without letting you down, who judge you for your better development and convey it to you without any ulterior motives, do not let egos and secrets come between the friendships, are available at any point of time without any formalities, have no hidden agendas and are transparent enough about each other last the longest and are the strongest! It is true that not all friendships will be as strong just like that. It takes efforts to build up the trust from both the parties. Friendships are a continuously evolving process and the minute it gets stagnant it will start showing. Those who realize that, you either move on or repair the machinery, and that will always keep their friendships healthy. Friends are extremely essential for self-development as well as a fantastic support system in times of crisis as well. I must say I am fortunate enough to have a great circle of friends around. So stick around, do not let go of the wonderful people you have around you!!!

Cheers and a heartfelt thank you to all those who have made my life so exciting and fun!!!!